Posted By Dan Greenfield on Oct 28, 2019 | 4 comments

A not-at-all subjective list of treats!

Halloween’s Thursday! And guess what! Here’s your infallible list of THE TOP 13 HALLOWEEN CANDIES – RANKED, to maximize your Trick-or-Treating experience.

What does this have to do with comic books? Nothing, except you can eat these while dressed as your favorite superhero.

Let’s get right to it:

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13. Apples. Just kidding.

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12. Smarties. So much better than Sweet-Tarts. Addictive too. There’s no way you can eat just one little roll.

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11. Tootsie Pops. Lotta bang for the buck here. Still don’t know how many licks it takes to get to the center, though:

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10. Dots. Dots rock, man. But beware the stale ones.

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9. Milk Duds. If you can keep your fillings intact, Milk Duds will give you a sugar high that will last you through Thanksgiving.

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8. Peanut M&M’s. The best M&M’s variety. I will brook no dissent here.

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7. Snickers. A Halloween staple.

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6. Tootsie Roll. Sometimes chocolatey is better than chocolate, y’know what I’m saying? Midgees are fine and dandy, by the way, but I really prefer the bigger ones.

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5. Milky Way. Snickers without peanuts. And in this case, that’s generally how I prefer it.

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4. Mellowcreme Pumpkins. Pop quiz: What exactly is mellowcreme? Forget it, I don’t want to know.

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3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. This is my wife’s favorite, far and away. So this is for her.

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2. Candy Corn. C’mon, it’s the quintessential Halloween candy. Doesn’t mean it’s #1, however.

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1. 3 Musketeers. Easily. Without question. When you get a 3 Musketeers in your plastic pumpkin candy carrier, you have hit the jackpot, Tiger. And forget “Fun Size.” “Fun Size” is not fun at all. It’s just a dirty tease. No, if you find that magic house that gives out full-size 3 Musketeers bars, you have found Halloween nirvana.

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MORE

— 13 Groovy BEN COOPER Designs That Would Make Great T-Shirts. Click here.

— The Goofy Giddiness of Disney’s CHILLING, THRILLING HAUNTED HOUSE Record. Click here.