REEL RETRO CINEMA: New looks at old flicks and their comic-book adaptations… — By ROB KELLY Warning: There is no Condorman in this movie. OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There’s not no Condorman in Condorman, just very little Condorman in Condorman. Future Phantom of the Opera Michael Crawford plays eccentric comic-book writer/artist/editor/publisher(!) Woody Wilkins, who insists on making sure everything he puts in his “Condorman” stories is believable. To test this theory, he goes so far as to create a fully functioning Condorman costume, and takes a leap off the Eiffel Tower to see if he can fly. The costume works, albeit briefly: After a few moments of slipping the surly bonds of Earth, one of his wings breaks and he crashes into the Seine. Hopefully you like this action scene, because it’s gonna have to last you, kids! Woody’s pal, a CIA file clerk named Harry (OG Teen Wolf dad James Hampton), soon asks him for a favor — to swap some top secret papers in Istanbul. While there, Woody meets Natalia Rambova (the vivacious Barbara Carrera), a KGB spy. Woody tells her he is a spy codenamed “Condorman”, and when he accidentally saves her life from being rubbed out by some fellow Russian agents (led by Oliver Reed!), Natalia decides to defect. She asks the CIA that this mysterious, brave “Condorman” be the agent that helps her get to the United States. Woody, in turn, is so taken with Natalia that he uses her as the inspiration for a new comic-book character, Laser Lady. Woody then agrees to help the CIA again, in exchange for them bankrolling some cool gadgets based on his outlandish designs. For most of its run time, 1981’s Condorman is a chase movie, as Oliver Reed’s character Krokov and his henchmen try and grab Woody and Natalia before they can escape to the safety of the U.S. There are scenes in Italy, Switzerland, France and Yugoslavia, where Woody’s clumsy bravery keeps him and Natalia from getting captured. In a last ditch effort, Woody dons a fully realized Condorman costume and flies Natalia to a speedboat in a final confrontation with the Russians. The film ends in the United States, with Woody, Natalia and Harry at a Dodgers game. Harry gets a message from his boss, Russ (MacGyver’s Dana Elcar), instructing him...