Posted By Dan Greenfield on Jun 1, 2025 | 6 comments

SUNDAY FUNNIES WITH KERRY CALLEN!

Here’s a change of pace for SUNDAY FUNNIES WITH KERRY CALLEN: Normally, we run a gut-busting cartoon or illustration by Kerry, but over the next few months, we’re going to bring you actual columns!

See, years back, Kerry undertook a very serious research project to determine which of the so-called comic-book “battles of the century” was actually THE Battle of the Century! He found there were 12 of them in the 20th century — and Kerry jumped into them all, writing a column about each, in chronological order. (If only there were 13 of them! Gah!)

So, we’ll be presenting all of them over the summer and probably into the early fall.

At the same time, we’ll still be publishing his illustrated gags, so we’ll kinda-sorta alternate back and forth as the weeks go on. Got it? Good.

Kerry kicks it off with the first billed “Battle of the Comic Century” — the Human Torch vs. the Sub-Mariner in 1940’s Marvel Mystery Comics #9.

Right on.

— Dan

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By KERRY CALLEN

In the 20th century, there were several comic books that claimed “The Battle of the Century” on their covers. It recently occurred to me since that 100 years is now behind us, we can clearly look back to decide which truly was the Battle of the Century, and call everyone else a liar.

What constitutes the Battle of the Century? To me, it’s mainly one or two things. The combatants have to both be at the top of their game, and/or the battle itself has to somehow be epic. As I did my research, I didn’t limit it to only the word “battle.” I also included “fight, “bout” and “showdown.” It’s all good. I did, however, want the extravagant claim to appear on the book’s cover.

I found twelve comics that made that claim, so let’s get started!

First up, the Human Torch vs. the Sub-Mariner! Originally presented in Marvel Mystery Comics #9, 1940. Story by Bill Everett, Carl Burgos and John Compton. Art by Bill Everett and Carl Burgos.

Admittedly, I’m already breaking my own rule. This comic does not state “Battle of the Century” on its cover. It’s on the splash page. However, this may be the first comic to make the claim, so I’m giving it a little grace.

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?

Namor, the Sub-Mariner, has vowed to destroy the human race. The Human Torch has recently joined the police department. As Namor attempts to wreck the George Washington Bridge, the Human Torch arrives to stop him. I think I’m going to have to side with the Torch on this one.

HOW EPIC IS THE BATTLE?

Namor soon retreats to his winged submarine to grab an air tank. He immediately returns to the surface and quickly blows out the Torch’s flame.

Namor then drags the Torch underwater to his “Aerial Sub.” Namor wins in four pages!

But wait! Namor accidentally loses control of an air hose (which powers his engine) and it hits the Torch. Not only does it revive the Torch, it also surrounds him with an air bubble! And, like a fart in a bathtub, it starts to float to the surface. Namor tries to stop the bubble, but he can’t!

Ladies and Gentlemen– The Sub-Mariner, Lord of the Seven Seas, unable to pop an air bubble.

The bubble bursts as it reaches the surface. The Torch is free, on fire, and the battle continues on land. Soon, Namor has jumped into a water reservoir for a refreshing dip. The Torch (somehow) covers the reservoir with flame, trapping Namor. Namor immediately starts to suffocate because of the water’s chlorine content. He passes out.

The Torch wins!

No wait! Unfortunately, the Torch can’t see Namor through the flames and doesn’t know his predicament. So, he contacts the Army and asks them to bomb the reservoir. (Yes, they are actually trying to kill each other.) The American Army successfully drops an American bomb on the American reservoir. This, of course, blows Namor out of the water and saves him from suffocation.

As the fight begins anew, I discover something I never knew about the Sub-Mariner — he has a sprinkler system!

WHO WINS?

After more shenanigans, Namor eventually slips a “translate case” over the Torch. This isn’t really a win however. Every time Namor lifts the case to kill him, the Torch has enough air to burst back into flames.

Suddenly, Betty Dean appears. She is described as Namor’s “only human friend.”  I present the searing, nail-biting conclusion below–

Dispute settled! There’s touching and everything. It’s actually quite sweet.

They then say their pleasant goodbyes.

IS IT THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY?

Let’s see: Both the characters were relatively well known, there’s collateral damage, and it appears the fight lasted most of a day. Plus, in 1940, I suspect no one else had yet made the claim, so I’m going to say, “Yes!” At this point in the 20th century, it is the Battle of the Century!

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NEXT TIME AROUND: Li’l Abner vs. Daisy Mae! Click here.

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MORE

— WHAT IF MARVEL STUDIOS Produced… THE GREAT LAKES AVENGERS?! Click here.

— So THAT’S How GUY GARDNER Got That Stupid Haircut. Click here.

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KERRY CALLEN spent much of his career as an artist and art director, developing product for Hallmark, but has also dabbled in comics for many years. As a freelancer, he creates work for a range of needs, spanning from Mad Magazine to children illustrations. He has two graphic novels available on Amazon worldwide, Halo and Sprocket: The Definitive Collection, as well as Dirtnap: Mystic Spit.