It’s APES WEEK! Time to dust off the Sacred Scrolls!


UPDATED 2/8/18: It’s APES WEEK! Because today is the 50th anniversary of 1968’s Planet of the Apes! For the complete APES WEEK INDEX of stories, click here.

I love Planet of the Apes. Give me a dystopian future with talking monkeys who wear clothes and ride horses and I. Am. There.

So with the movie celebrating its 50th anniversary, I wanted to paws (get it?) for a brief moment to consider all the awesome quotes from the original flick.

Some will be obvious. Some not. Don’t see yours? Add it to the comments below or in whichever social-media thread you found this!

OK, then. Let’s …


13. “I feel lonely.” This line from Taylor’s opening soliloquy is delivered with such Hestonian woodenness that I crack up every time he says it. My son and I mimic it back and forth with glee.

12. “Oh, there were women. Lots of women. Lots of love-making but no love.” Taylor comes off as so creepy here I can only imagine him back home cruising for chicks while wearing a neckerchief:

Charlton Heston + Leigh Taylor-Young - Soylent Green (1973) admiring the furniture 2

11. Taylor: “That’s the spirit, keep ’em flying.”

Lucius: “What?”

Taylor: “The flags of discontent. Remember, never trust anybody over 30.”

10. Taylor: “You got what you wanted, tiger. How does it taste?” Man, Taylor could be such a dick.

9. Case in point:

8. Taylor: “Doctor, I’d like to kiss you goodbye.”

Zira: “All right, but you’re so damned ugly.”

That's some hot monkey lovin' right there.

That’s some hot monkey lovin’ right there.

7. Taylor: “I can’t help thinking somewhere in the universe there has to be something better than man. Has to be.”

6. This:

5. Dr. Zaius: “The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise! Your breed made a desert of it — ages ago.” Ever see the Mad Men episode where Roger Sterling quotes the first line? Priceless.

4. Zira: “What will he find out there, doctor?”

Dr. Zaius: “His destiny.”

3. This:

2. THIS:


1. THIS!!!

For the complete APES WEEK INDEX of stories, click here.

Author: Dan Greenfield

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