Let’s dust off the Sacred Scrolls for Charlton Heston’s birthday!


UPDATED 10/4/19: The late, great Charlton Heston was born 96 years ago! Perfect time to re-present this piece from 2016! Dig it. — Dan

I love Planet of the Apes. Give me a dystopian future with talking monkeys who wear clothes and ride horses and I. Am. There.

So, I wanted to paws (get it?) for a brief moment to consider all the awesome quotes from the original flick.

Some will be obvious. Some not. Don’t see yours? Add it to the comments below or in whichever social-media thread you found this!

OK, then. Let’s …


13. “I feel lonely.” This line from Taylor’s opening soliloquy is delivered with such Hestonian woodenness that I crack up every time he says it. My son and I mimic it back and forth with glee.

12. “Oh, there were women. Lots of women. Lots of love-making but no love.” Taylor comes off as so creepy here I can only imagine him back home cruising for chicks while wearing a neckerchief:

Charlton Heston + Leigh Taylor-Young - Soylent Green (1973) admiring the furniture 2

11. Taylor: “That’s the spirit, keep ’em flying.”

Lucius: “What?”

Taylor: “The flags of discontent. Remember, never trust anybody over 30.”

10. Taylor: “You got what you wanted, tiger. How does it taste?” Man, Taylor could be such a dick.

9. Case in point:

8. Taylor: “Doctor, I’d like to kiss you goodbye.”

Zira: “All right, but you’re so damned ugly.”

That's some hot monkey lovin' right there.

That’s some hot monkey lovin’ right there.

7. Taylor: “I can’t help thinking somewhere in the universe there has to be something better than man. Has to be.”

6. This:

5. Dr. Zaius: “The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise! Your breed made a desert of it — ages ago.” Ever see the Mad Men episode where Roger Sterling quotes the first line? Priceless.

4. Zira: “What will he find out there, doctor?”

Dr. Zaius: “His destiny.”

3. This:

2. THIS:


1. THIS!!!


1968’s PLANET OF THE APES — and its Marvel Comics Adaptation. Click here.

— The 13 Grooviest PLANET OF THE APES Trading Cards. Click here.

Author: Dan Greenfield

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  1. I was in 3rd grade when this came out. Dad drove my friends and I to see the matinee at the old Lincoln Theater in Belleville, IL. At the end, when we saw the silhouette of the torch, I thought it was a lighthouse but knew at that point that he was home. Lady Liberty was a surprise.

    When Dad (who worked as a civilian for the Air Force at Scott AFB) picked us up, I made him promise he wouldn’t go into space on a similar mission. He agreed but I think he was wondering why I thought a man in his mid-50s would be sent up.

    Also, being old enough to know I liked naked ladies (just not why), I wished one of the others had died in cryo-sleep, not Stewart – at least when they found the pool…

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    • I taught 11th grade English and showed this movie as preparation for the sci-fi/creative writing units as it’s rife with symbolism, thematic discussion points, and racial metaphors. Even though it was ancient by my students’ standards, they were mesmerized. Despite the lack of CGI, they bought into the realism of the apes as the dominant species. I, too, saw it as a child of the 60s, and I am impressed by how well it has held up all these decades later.

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  2. My first exposure to Planet of Apes was the Power Records Book and Record.
    Great Movie!

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  3. I’ve always loved “In six months, we’ll be running this planet!”, especially since the horn blast that starts the human hunt comes about 5 seconds later.

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  4. Remake with Mark Wahlburgh (2001) wasn’t exciting as original or was to be? Chuck performance was excellent “Science between Prime Apes” curiosity due. Evolution of the human species …success late 60’s area Chuck agree upon the sequel. Declined the later somewhat wise move, didn’t want to type cast. Chuck performance surpass Mark’s (2001) version. Thanks

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