13 Vintage Superhero Valentines That Will Creep You Out

Perhaps not the best role models…

Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day — a time of romance. Or, if you’re a kid just trying to survive the holiday with your dignity intact, it’s a period of intense awkwardness and fear.

Card companies have long known this and have made a mint helping young ‘uns confront their anxieties by offering Valentine cards that feature their favorite superheroes — because spandex-clad do-gooders are so well known to have healthy, well-rounded relationships.

I mean, it all worked out for Peter and Gwen, right?

OK, maybe not.

But at least Peter found wedded bliss with Mary Jane, y’know? Oh, wait…

Anyway, the most compelling part of these cardboard avatars of hope is just how damn creepy a lot of them are. Especially those that were produced in supposedly simpler times. I mean, you want Batman to be relentless in his pursuit of justice — but do you really want to tell the Little Red-Haired Girl that you’ll hunt her down like the scum that infests the darkest corners of Gotham City?

That’s a hard no.

So check out these 13 vintage Valentines culled from various spots around the web. Because what the world needs now is love — sweet, terrifying love.

Now, to be fair, a number of these are benign. But most are, shall we say, questionable:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: Dan Greenfield

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3 Comments

  1. (sigh)

    I make those for a living. We’ve had some doozies.

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