13 Musical Acts We’d Like to See in THE ARCHIES

A Top 13 Hit Parade if you will…

Joe Eisma

UPDATED 10/3/17: Issue #1 comes out 10/4! Not only that, Archie Comics today announced that the fifth selection on this list — the Monkees — is happening! Click here for the details.

Archie Comics the other day announced The Archies, an ongoing title by Alex Segura, Matthew Rosenberg and Joe Eisma, spinning out of the company’s recent one-shot done up in its modern-day stylings. The gimmick is that real-world bands will be showing up as the title whistles along. (Archie has had great success in the past with its Kiss and Ramones crossovers, mind you.)

Now, see, the mind reels at the possibilities and I couldn’t resist coming up with a list of 13 acts I’d love to see show up in the title, which launches in October. It’s kind of a fast and loose assortment and I tried to at least come up with a reason a pairing would work. It’d be easy, for example, to throw the Beatles out there and call it a day.

On the other hand, I didn’t pay any real heed to any likeness/licensing issues or even constrain myself to a particular time period. This is comics, and I don’t care whether this is Modern Archie or Classic Archie. I’m just going for Fun Archie and Fun Archie would involve a Magical Mystery Tour through musical time and space.

So here goes, in no particular order (with The Archies #1 variant covers thrown in for good measure):

Beyonce. She’s the Queen. Go big or go home.

Chuck Berry. There needs to be an arc where the group gets tossed into the past and has to make its way back to the present — hitting major musical milestones along the way. First stop: mid-’50s St. Louis.

Matthew Dow Smith

Social Distortion. Reggie needs to get his ass kicked by Mike Ness.

Katy Perry. The pop princess is tailor-made (not Taylor-made, mind you) for the Archies. She’s one of the biggest stars in the world — and looks like a comic-book pin-up to boot.

The Monkees. The ultimate prefab group meets the ultimate prefab group. It’s like a pop-music ouroboros.

UPDATED: As mentioned above, the Monkees is actually gonna happen. Check out the covers for Issue #4, due in January. And yes, it’s a time-travel story.:

Covers by Mike Allred, Greg Smallwood and Joe Eisma.

NWA. Straight Outta Riverdale.

Blondie. As Archie tries to score an opening gig at CBGB with the ultimate new wave act, Betty and Veronica get style tips at the knee of Debbie Harry.

Thomas Pitilli

UPDATED: And Blondie’s coming too! Click here.

The Rolling Stones. Only because I want to see great-grandfather Mick Jagger try to get with Veronica. (He would never bother with Betty.)

Bruno Mars. Because why not?

Sandy Jarrell

The Beatles. OK, I lied. I want the Beatles — but only if the whole issue is done in Yellow Submarine style with an adventure through Pepperland.

Iggy Pop. Because, seriously, no list like this would be complete without him.

Wu-Tang Clan. Jughead takes the gang to Staten Island. A ruckus ensues.

Ron Dante. C’mon guys, if you don’t get him in there, you’re doing it wrong.

Author: Dan Greenfield

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