Posted By Dan Greenfield on Aug 4, 2024 | 5 comments

COMPLETE WITH PIN-UPS, Featuring JOHN BUSCEMA Art: A pitch-perfect plot to go with a sensational, satirical cover…

In late July, our pal Walt Grogan created this fab faux cover imagining John Buscema’s Avengers at a Coney Island beach party. Walter got the idea when he saw a bunch of Buscema’s old sketches and realized all the Avengers looked like they were frugging and twisting and mash-potatoing.

It’s a real hoot and it got a great reaction from you folks.

It got an especially great reaction from 13th Dimension reader Steven W. Vance, who went so far as to plot — page by page — an entire issue around the cover. To borrow a phrase from another Marvel team, it’s an uncanny satire of a Silver Age Avengers book, and I promise you’ll say to yourself, “Far out! This could have actually worked!”

Meanwhile, Walt went back and created a bunch of pin-ups that could have run in the King-Size issue — plus an ersatz “original art” version of the cover — so we’ve put it all together for your summertime enjoyment.

Without hyperbole, here’s the best thing you’ll read today:

By STEVEN W. VANCE

1) The obvious villain is Sandman… but, since it’s both obvious and a Spidey-Villain, we will only have Sandman make a cameo appearance with a thought balloon connected to the beach surface “”Whew! I’m glad I didn’t have to mess with the Avengers! Spider-man is tough enough for me.”

2) Plot: The Avengers appear at a Charity Beach Party arranged by the Wasp, Janet Van Dyne, as guest judges in the Annual Beach swimsuit dance contest. Little do the Avengers know that Helmut Zemo, the son of the late Heinrich Zemo, is seeking to establish himself as his father’s heir and using Coney Island as his initial base of operations to assemble a new Masters of Evil and a number of potential recruits are at Coney Island to hear his offer, including:

* the Executioner and Enchantress who are a carnival act as the Prince and Princess of Power, using their Asgardian strength to easily lift tons
* Whirlwind, in disguise as David Cannon, Janet Van Dyne’s new chauffeur
* Diablo, who’s motivations remain mysterious
* The Melter, who’s been paroled from jail for good behavior
* Living Laser, Arthur Parks
* Jack Frost, Dr. Gregor Shapanka
* The Swordsman
* The Sandman (beach sand form only)

Page 1: The scene (splash page) opens with the male Avengers on the beach apparently dancing, while two famous disc jockeys are interacting with the Avengers (as music plays).
“Aroooo! The Avengers have Assembled on the Beach to face their greatest challenge!”
“Oh no, it looks like they’re doomed unless the Wasp and Scarlet Witch can save them!”

Pages 2-4: The two female Avengers (Jan and Wanda) then tell the males “move over boys it’s our turn” – to much more favorable comments from the DJs. The disc jockeys continue to s set the scene of the Avengers judging the Beach Dance Party as the music plays. The Avengers admire the dancers as they judge the contest.

* Hercules remarks: “the Lords of Olympus would surely approve of such revelry.”
* Hawkeye chiming in: “I surely approve of those bikinis, what about you Methuselah?”
* Captain America: “The music is different than what I’m used to, but I’m not complaining.”
* Wanda: “It makes me want to move!”
* Pietro: “My feet always desire to be in motion, so music and dance fill me with joy.”
* Goliath: “Unfortunately, my size feet would mean no room for anyone else to dance.”
* Wasp: “Don’t worry Hank, you’ll find a cure and be able to take me dancing again soon!”

Pages 5-8: After judging Round 1 of the contest, the Avengers have a bit of free time to explore Coney Island. Shady characters observe the Avengers and sneak into a building.

* Wanda and Pietro experience the carnival rides and food.
* Goliath complains to Jan that he’ll never be able to enjoy a carnival ride stuck at 10 feet.
* Captain America, eats a hot dog and meets a WWII veteran and talks old times.
* Hercules challenges the Prince and Princess of Power to a strength contest.
* Hawkeye ruminates on his past in the carnival but sees a familiar face – the Swordsman – and goes into hot pursuit.

Pages 9-11: Baron Zemo introduces himself and tells the invitees that the Executioner and the Enchantress are still loyal, and describes how each of them with their unique powers can be valuable to the new Masters of Evil team.

* “Diablo, with your knowledge of chemistry we can create acids capable of destroying any metals.”
* “Melter, your knowledge of mechanical science, and Living Laser, your knowledge of laser weaponry, can help us create powerful weapons of destruction.”
* “Jack Frost, your freezing powers can help immobilize our enemies or be used turn solids so cold and brittle they will crumble at the slightest touch.”
* “I’ve also invited others with similarly unique powers that I believe will be the perfect candidates for a new Masters of Evil.”

Pages 12-15: At that moment, Whirlwind – still disguised — comes in to tell the Baron that the Avengers are at Coney Island. Realizing that many of the villains who are in attendance may be recognized – the Baron decides that everyone should flee and meet again in the future. To do so they’ll need major distractions.

*Hawkeye has been in pursuit of a familiar face “that has to be the Swordsman, but what is he doing here.” The Swordsman, uses his sword to cut a safety cable to the Parachute Ride – threatening to cause one of the riders to fall to their deaths.
* Hercules is still unaware of the identity of the two Asgardians he is facing (as he exceeds them in every test of strength. While the Executioner wants to fight Hercules, the Enchantress has another plan and uses her powers to entrance Hercules. Their plan is to capture him and give him to Zemo as a gift of their loyalty.
* As the Melter flees he subtly fires a melting bolt of energy at the supports for the Ferris wheel causing it to wobble and threatening to collapse.
* The Living Laser sets fire to the wooden platform of the House of Mirrors.
* Jack Frost causes the rails of the Cyclone to be covered with ice so that the speeding roller coaster train brakes don’t work and is at risk of colliding with another that is loading.

Pages 16-20: The Avengers all become aware of the pending disasters and spring into action.
* Hawkeye fires two arrows almost simultaneously – one, an adhesive tipped arrow to adhere the broken steel safety cable to the iron frame of the ride, and two, a thermite tipped arrow to create a temporary weld “but the Swordsman got away.”
* Wanda uses her hex power to cause a water hydrant to burst – dousing the flames. While Pietro races through the house of mirrors to remove anyone inside. The mirrors make it difficult for him, but with his speed he quickly clears out the people. Should be a good visual.
* Goliath grabs the base of the Ferris Wheel but realizes it’s too much for him alone. He is unable to grow to a larger size so he orders the Wasp to find Hercules.
* Wasp finds Hercules entranced but recognizes the Executioner and the Enchantress. They taunt her, but the Wasp realizes she doesn’t need to defeat them – she just need to break the trance – so she zaps Hercules who awakens and is ready to fight, but the Wasp tells him to go help Goliath. As they flee, the Executioner collapses the tent with his axe, temporarily trapping the Wasp so she cannot follow them.
* Captain America throws his shield – through an incredibly narrow space, ricocheting it and striking the emergency track switch that diverts the runaway roller coaster train onto another lane avoiding a collision. Then he hurries to the Ferris Wheel that is near collapse.
*Hercules arrives and helps secures the Ferris Wheel base with Goliath as the other Avengers (except the Wasp) arrive.
* Cap gives orders.
* Hawkeye fires arrows with a titanium cables to help secure the Ferris Wheel – like guide wires – so that it will only fall on the beach.
* Wanda uses her hex power to restart the Ferris Wheel engine to rotate the passengers.
* Pietro carries passengers away from the danger zone as the FW is about to collapse.
* The Wasp arrives just as the Ferris Wheel supports snap.
* Goliath pulls Hercules quickly away from the base of the Ferris Wheel as it collapses onto the Beach.

Pages 21-22: Zemo talks to his co-horts but nothing is decided except that perhaps they’ll consider forming a new MOE in the future. In particular, Melter and Living Laser are interested in working together.

The Avengers discuss what has happened. Hawkeye talks about seeing the Swordsman. The Wasp and Hercules discuss the Executioner and the Enchantress. Captain America ponders the coincidence of three villains in the same place and wonders who damaged the Ferris Wheel, the House of Mirror, and the Roller Coaster. Goliath opines he wasn’t much help – but Jan reminds him he held out long enough for Hercules to arrive. Hawkeye wants to know if the dance contest is still on and Hercules agrees. “The Lion of Olympus shall judge most carefully these youths and their costumes!”

Final panel is the empty beach sand and the Sandman thought balloon.

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MORE

— That Time JOHN BUSCEMA’s AVENGERS Had a Groovy CONEY ISLAND BEACH PARTY. Click here.

— If Only NEAL ADAMS Had Drawn More SPIDER-MAN. Click here.